Funky's Special Show: Naruto Edition
by Rain-chan
Summary: On Funky's Special Show, nothing is as it seems. And today, it's even weirder! For we have the characters of Naruto! Ph34r it!
1. Annoying Naruto

**Okay, now, I know everyone LOVES Naruto. Everybody except me, because I'm special. But...if you ever wanted to, oh, I don't know, annoy someone to the point of possible suicide, here's what you do! Enjoy my scenarios and our special volunteer, Funky Magnum!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I don't own my brother, Funky. He owns himself. And he does a bad job of it, too.**

* * *

"Hi everybody! I'm Funky Magnum, Rain's genius brother! And even though I'm younger than her, I can kick her butt!" Funky Magnum walked out into the middle of a field and waved.

"Not gonna happen, Funky my brother!" called Rain from somewhere to the left.

"Aaaaanyway, today I have some very cool people with me!" Funky jumped up and down.

Rain's voice once again came from somewhere on the left. "I knew you liked that show!"

"Shut up! I'M the one who's supposed to be narrating this story!" Funky threw something off to the left.

"OUCH!"

"ANYWAY, like I was saying, today on Funky's Special Show," started Funky.

"I never knew you gave it a name!" Rain called.

"I SAID SHUT UP! Now, our special guests are...Naruto,"

"Hi! I'm Naruto! Believe it!" Naruto came walking from somewhere off to the right.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MAKE HIM SHUT UP!" screamed Rain, her voice fading into the distance as she probably ran away.

"Finally! She's gone!" Funky wiped his forehead. "And Sasuke..."

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed a bunch of girls, running onto the screen of what we now know is the TV show, 'Funky's Special Show'.

"Woah! CRUD!" Funky squealed as he got run over by a bunch of girls drooling over Sasuke.

"Ooh, we LOVE Sasuke!" screamed the girls.

"What is it with you people!" yelled Rain, running onto the screen, carrying a chainsaw. "You're all CRAZY!" She pointed to Sasuke, who was sauntering onto the screen. "HE'S JUST AN IDIOT! HE'S GOT NO PERSONALITY!"

"Yeah I do," Sasuke droned.

"YEAH HE DOES!" screamed the girls, running at Rain, but then being chased away by Rain and her chainsaw.

"Uh, yeah. And Sakura-" said Funky.

"Ooh, TV? I've always wanted to be on TV!" squealed Sakura, jumping onto the scene.

"Yeah, just don't turn all split-personality on us," muttered Funky, before continuing. "And Kakashi!"

"Huh? What?" mumbled Kakashi, who had been sleeping off to the right of the set.

"Well, that's all our special guests!" Funky clapped. "Now, for out first installment before the commercial."

"What? What?" Naruto asked, jumping up and down.

Funky checked a clipboard that was handed to him from the side of the screen. "That would be...how to annoy Naruto!"

"Yeah! I-wait, what?" Naruto, finally realizing that he was being made fun of, stopped.

"Yeah! Role the tape!"

The screen went blank, and all the viewers sighed in disappointment. They had been so looking forward to learn how to annoy Naruto. But then the show came back, and it was just Funky and Naruto. All the other people were gone.

"Yay!" exclaimed Viewer #1.

"All right!" shouted Viewer #2.

"Shh!" shushed Viewer #3.

"And we're back!" shouted Funky. "With Special Guest Naruto!"

Naruto looked around. "Wait, I don't want to be-"

"Nonsense!" Funky said. "Now, the first thing you need to know, is that there are MANY ways to annoy Naruto, but this show only shows a few. A few being a lot, let's begin!"

"Wait a-!"

"Eat in front of him. Better yet, eat in front of him when he can't get at you." Two people came and tied Naruto to a chair.

Funky pulled out a bag of chips. "Now, anything edible is good," he said, munching the chips, "but..." Funky whipped out a bowl of ramen. "Ramen is best! And be sure not to tape his mouth shut, so he can drool."

"OoooooooohhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Naruto wailed, drooling as Funky slurped up ramen. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

When Funky was done, two people came back and untied Naruto. "Another great way to annoy Naruto is to tell him he's a loser. Say it like you mean it, people!"

A little kid came running onto the screen. "Hey, you're dumb!"

"Little kids work best," said Funky.

"You can't even beat up a girl!" shouted the little kid, kicking Naruto in the shins and running away.

"All of you who are fans of the show, or know something about it, okay, if you're fans of the show, you probably aren't liking this very much, but anyway," said Funky, "you all know that Naruto HATES being shown up by Sasuke."

All the viewers (or at least the ones who weren't yelling swear words and throwing stuff at the TV) nodded.

"He's right," said Viewer #1.

"Uh-huh," Viewer #2 agreed.

"Where did you put my underwear?" screamed Viewer #3 from another room.

Viewer #1 and #2 snickered, then turned back to the TV.

"So, always remember to tell Naruto how Sasuke is so much better than he is," Funky was saying.

Someone walked onto the screen. "Sasuke is so much better than you."

"Better yet, have Sakura tell Naruto how Sasuke is so much better than he is."

Sakura walked onto the screen from the right. "Naruto, you're such a loser."

Naruto cringed.

"Sasuke is so much better than you are. He could beat you any day." Sakura then walked off.

"NO!" screamed Naruto. "HE CAN'T BE BETTER! I HAVE TO BE THE NEXT HOKAGE!"

"Okay, since Naruto is about to launch into one of his 'I'm so noble' speeches, this would be a good time to go to our next guest." Funky looked behind him, where Naruto was talking and passionately waving his arms. "But first, time for a word from our sponsors!"

The screen went blank.

Viewer #1 sighed. "There should be a sequel to that one."

Viewer #2 nodded. "That was good."

Viewer #3 was still running around, looking for the missing underwear.

* * *

_Woman: Do you like soap?_

_Girl: nods_

_Woman: Do you like being SQUEAKY clean?_

_Boy: nods_

_Woman: Well, I have good news for you!_

_Boy and Girl: What?_

_Woman: The price of gas has gone down by .0001 cent!_

_Boy and Girl: Yay!_

* * *

**Well, that's it for chapter 1! Hey, if you do like Naruto, please don't kill me. I warned you. I know that...dodges a stray shuriken...uh, I said it wasn't my fault! Talk to Funky! It's his show! runs away**

**Oh yeah, review, people, or I won't update it. I'm not going to write a story if I can't be sure anybody's even reading it.**


	2. Special Guest Sasuke!

**Hi! Uh, this is chapter 2 of Funky's Special Show. I hope you enjoy it! bows And if you're a Naruto-lover, please, PLEASE don't kill me! It's your fault for reading chapter 2! Thanks again to my one reviewer so far, GuardianAngel21! Your reviews make this story possible!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! All I own is the idea for this story! And some of the ideas aren't even mine! I don't own Aidan either. But I can kick his butt! Oh, I don't own Quigley, either, as much as I wish I did. I love you, Quigley!**

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"All right!" Funky announced. "We're back to Funky's Special Show, this time with Special Guest Sasuke!"

"Why are you calling me Special Guest?" asked Sasuke. "It makes you sound like a 'Special' Person."

Funky cocked his head. "Yeah, that's what my sister says. Anyway-"

"That's because, little brother, you ARE a 'special' person!" Rain yelled running across the screen, holding a bow. "Come back here, Aidan! I'm takin' you DOWN!"

"No! NO!" yelled Aidan, his glasses flying off. "It's not my fault I'm a nerd!"

"Aha! You ADMIT IT!" Rain fitted an arrow into her bow. "Well, Mr. Archery, come back here and face MEEEEEEE!" Rain then chased a crying Aidan off the screen.

"Uh..." said Sasuke.

"Yeah." Funky scratched his head. "Er, anyway, you're our next Special Guest, Sasuke!"

"Okay." Sasuke scratched his arm. "What's that mean?"

Funky pulled out a cane and started tap-dancing. "It means that it's time for 'How to Annoy Sasuke!'"

"Hah," Sasuke laughed. "There's no way you could annoy me. I have no emotions other than scorn and anger."

"First," said Funky, ignoring Sasuke, "Get some girl to chase him around. Usually you don't even have to ask."

A girl came running onto the screen. "SAAAAAAAASSSSSSUUUUUUUUUKKKKKEEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed.

"Wait a-" said Sasuke, putting his arms over his head. "I didn't-"

"Or, better yet, get Sakura to chase him!" Funky said.

"Oh SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" called Sakura, running onto the screen. "Hey, outta my way!" She shoved the other girl off the side of a cliff. Suddenly her split personality came out. "OH YEAH!" it screamed. "I ROCK!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Sasuke. "GET HER AWAY FROM ME!" He started running in circles. "HOLY CRUD!"

"See? You do have another emotion!" Funky curled his hand into a fist. "Embrace it. Make it your own."

"I DON'T WANNA MAKE IT MY OWN!" Sasuke yelled, still running.

"Okay, okay, enough of that." Funky snapped his fingers, and two guys walked onto the screen, tackled Sakura, and dragged her away.

"Hey, it looks like the Mafia!" said Viewer #1.

"No, that's just my uncle John and his pal, Mowglie." Viewer #2 shrugged.

"You're uncle John is scary," said Viewer #3, who was wearing a cardboard box, having been unable to locate his underwear.

"That's because he's part of the Mafia," said Viewer #2.

"Ahh, time for my hot chocolate!" said Rain, sitting in the corner.

"What are you doing in my house?" said Viewer #3.

"Ooh, is that hot chocolate?" asked Quigley, walking through the door.

"Oh yeah," said Rain. "Hey, come watch my brother on TV."

"Nice." Quigley sat down in the corner. "Hey, do you have whipped cream?"

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN MY HOUSE?" yelled Viewer #3.

"Well, what are YOU doing without any underwear on?" asked Rain.

"We all know that Sasuke thinks Naruto is a retard," said Funky from the screen. "So get someone to tell Sasuke that Naruto could beat the snot out of him."

Rain walked up to Sasuke. "You're such a loser, that idiot Naruto could beat the crud out of you."

"Hey, wait a second," said Viewer #2. "If this show is supposed to be live, how are you sitting in the corner of Viewer #3's living room?"

"Well, I-" Rain started. "I...uh...Quigley, they know too much! Let's get out of here!" She grabbed Quigley and threw a smoke bomb behind her.

When the smoke cleared, Rain was still standing in the corner of the room.

"Uh, I think we were supposed to run BEFORE the smoke cleared," said Quigley.

"Yeahhhhh," said Rain, who then jumped out the window, followed by Quigley, who was being careful not to spill his hot chocolate.

"Or," continued Funky, "get someone to beat him up."

Rain pulled out a stick. "You're such a loser, Sasuke. DIEEEEEEE!" She then started beating Sasuke with the stick.

"HEEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP!" screamed Sasuke, shielding his head with his arms.

"Taunt him!" yelled Funky over Sasuke's screams.

"You're getting beat up by a girl!" cried Quigley, walking onto the screen with a bowl of popcorn.

"Quigley, what have I told you about pigging out?" asked Rain, continuing to beat Sasuke with the stick.

Finally, Funky managed to be heard over Sasuke's screams. "Okay, now that Sasuke is emotionally scarred, let's go to the next Special Guest." He walked over to Sasuke, who was lying curled up on the ground, and kicked him with his foot. "But first, another word from out sponsors."

* * *

_Boy: I'm bored._

_Girl: Me too._

_Woman: Hey, kids! Are you bored?_

_Boy: Didn't you just hear us?_

_Woman: Well, I have good news for you!_

_Girl: We don't want your stinkin' good news!_

_Woman: You can have all your wishes granted with this magic bean!_

_Boy: Okay, we're leaving._

_Girl: Bye, crazy lady._

_Woman: Wait! Don't you want a free spork?_

* * *

**Alright, that was a short chapter. But the next one will be longer, I promise! Scouts honor! Okay, I'm not a scout, but...Anyway, if you have any ideas on future methods of torture, (hint hint, those of you who know the show like the back of your ninja-gloved hand) please send them in! Your ideas, not your hands!**

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	3. Golfing, Cheese Chips, and Legal Matters

**It's me again! Up with chapter 3, down with people whose heads are shaped like turnips! Uh, no offense if your head IS shaped like a turnip. I was just saying something weird. Anyway, this chapter is about Sakura, due to popular demand. Well...**

**AS I was saying, it's...well, just read it. I found Sasuke in the last chapter particularly fun to annoy...but I find them all fun to annoy.**

**Dislcaimer: I don't own Naruto. Or Quigley. Well, I own a fish named Quigley...he killed Momiji! I don't own Nintendo DS, either, Nintendo does. Well, duh. Or Kingdom Hearts. If I did, I wouldn't need to pay money to get it!**

* * *

"And we're back!" shouted Funky, waving a plastic spork. "And look what I got from that spiffy commercial! Anyway, today it's Kakashi's turn!"

There was a pause, and then Funky said again, "I said, KAKASHI is our Special Guest!"

Still another pause, longer, when Funky shouted, "WHERE THE HECK IS KAKASHI?"

"Uh..." a woman walked on stage with a clipboard and whispered something to Funky. Then she took his spork and ran off the set.

"Um, according to the mike lady Kim, Kakashi can't be found at this particular time. So..." Suddenly Funky paused and looked down at his hand. "HEY! MY SPORK!"

"Well whose turn is it?" shouted Viewer #1, biting her nails.

"I've gotta know!" cried Viewer #2.

"And I really need underwear!" whined Viewer #3.

"Shut up!" said Rain from the corner of the room. She was punching buttons on her Nintendo DS. "I really need Namine to DIE!"

"Oh, yeah." Funky suddenly remembered what he had been talking about. "It's Sakura's turn! Please welcome Special Guest Sakura!"

Sakura walked onto the screen from the side. "Hi! I'm Sakura, and I-"

"Enough about you. We all know that you-" But poor Funky wasn't able to say what he knew about Sakura.

"HEY!" she yelled, lunging at him. "I WAS TALKING!" She started punching him in the head.

"Ow! Hey, it's against the rules to punch the Funky!" Funky cried, trying to shield himself from the anger of a girl. "Sasuke!" he yelled, running around.

Sasuke once again sauntered onto the screen. Sakura stopped dead and started drooling over him. Again.

"Whew!" said Funky, whipping his forehead. "Anyway, the first thing to do is, well, you all know how much Sakura drools over Sasuke, so, get him to do something mean. Which, for Sasuke, isn't hard."

"Sasuke, I-" started Sakura, but was cut off by Sasuke.

"Would you SHUT UP and LEAVE ME ALONE?" he yelled, smacking her in the face with a golf club.

"OW!" Sakura yelled.

"YES!" Rain yelled.

Sasuke walked off. Then Naruto walked on.

"Sakura thinks Naruto's a dweeb," Funky continued, motioning to the side, where Naruto was walking out. Suddenly Funky was hit on the side of the head with a golf ball.

"Sorry!" called Sasuke.

"Anyway," muttered Funky, rubbing his head, "it's a clash of the...er...two people who don't get along!"

"Hi, Sakura!" said Naruto, eating a bag of cheesy chips, like the ones on that annoying commercial with the little kid who cries, 'Cheese!'

"Urg," said Sakura. Then she talked to herself in her head, but for some weird reason everyone could hear her like they do on TV and in books. 'Naruto's so annoying, but since we're a team, I should try to be nicer to him. After all-'

"I SAID, HI SAKURA!" Naruto screamed in her ear.

"GOOD GOD, NARUTO!" Sakura screamed back. "WOULD YOU SHUT UP?" Then she pulled out a hairbrush and started beating Naruto with it. 'OH YEAH,' said her split-personality. 'I ROCK! TAKE THIS, NARUTO!'

The screen went black.

"Woah," said Viewer #2.

"Sakura's scary," said Viewer #3.

"Hey! Why am I last? I'm Viewer #1!" said Viewer #1.

"Oh, shut up," growled Rain from the corner.

"What's wrong with her?" Viewer #3 asked Quigley.

Quigley shrugged. "She's mad because Sora believes Namine."

Suddenly Rain grabbed Quigley. "Don't. Say. That. NAAAAAMMMMME!"

Viewer #2 winced.

"Hey! Stop that!" said Viewer #1. "I'M #1!"

Funky's Special Show reappeared on the TV screen. This time Sakura was tied to a nearby tree.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" she screamed, kicking at Funky. "I'M A NINJAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Well, I-" Funky started to say.

"I WANT MY LAWYER!" yelled Sakura.

A man with big glasses and a combover ran onto the screen. "Excuse me," he said to Funky, setting up a card table and opening his briefcase.

"Wait a...if you're a ninja, why do you have a lawyer?" asked Funky.

The screen once again went black. Letters appeared on the screen.

"Finally!" said Viewer #1. "I'm back in first!"

"Then READ the dang thing!" said viewer #2.

"Due to legal matters, Funky's Special Show has been postponed for as long as it takes Funky to get out of the entanglement of the legal system," read Viewer #3.

"Whatever. My brother's way too dumb to know what to do in a court hearing." Rain pressed a button on the remote. "Ooh, look, it's...WHAT IS THIS?"

All four people watched a guy with a huge yellow 'fro run around with a weird orange thing and an annoying girl with pink hair.

"THIS IS TERRIBLE!" cried Viewer #1.

"MY EYES!" screamed Viewer #2.

Viewer #3 just did an eye twitch.

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**Okay! I know that was short. Wait...was it short? I don't know. If it was, I'm sorry, and if it wasn't, ignore me. Okay then...sorry to all you people who like the show Bo-bobo...no harm meant! Why am I always begging forgiveness in these notes?**


	4. Kakashi, Finally!

**Okay, thanks to reviews, I am now ready to do the Kakashi chapter. Depending on the reviews I get, this may or may not be the last chapter of this story. If you want to see it continue, please be sure to tell me, and I will comply with your requests. Wow, that sounded really weird!  
But since I'm in such a good mood...hugs reviewers...I'm ready to do my worst! Kakashi, here I come! Although...you'd think if I'm in a good mood, I wouldn't want to be torturing people...but I'm scary that way.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or Quigley. Or Shadow the fish, for that matter.**

* * *

3 months later, Viewer #1 turned on the TV. She was flipping through the channels, looking for something to come on.

"Hey," said Viewer #2. "Turn it back."

"Yeah," agreed Viewer #3. "I think I saw something." He had recently re-discovered his underwear hidden in the toaster when he tried to make toast.

"I haven't even said anything yet!" said Viewer #1. "I always open!"

"Who cares," said Viewer #2. "You have the remote."

So Viewer #1 turned back about 50 channels, and all three stared in amazement. It was Funky's Special Show! The show that, 3 months ago, had been postponed due to legal matters!

"Hi!" said Funky from the screen. "I'm your host, Funky Magnum, and I'm back!"

"Yes, and he has a new assistant!" said a voice from the side. Rain bounced out, wearing bunny ears. "Me! Funky's super-cool sister, Rain!"

"IT'S HER!" cried Viewer #1, referring to the strange girl who had continuously showed up in the house with her weird friend, Quigley.

"My brother had troubling legal problems," Rain continued, "but, for a price, I got him out of it, because the show must go on!"

"So," said Funky, shoving Rain out of the way, "last time it was Sakura. I am sorry to say, Sakura had an unfortunate...'accident'..."

_(Flashback)_

Sasuke walked up to Sakura. He was wearing sunglasses. Sakura was standing on a dock, fishing with a mop.

"Oh, hi, Sasuke!" Sakura said.

"Uh, I'm not Sasuke. I'm...agent S." Sasuke paused. "I'm here to...to..."

"To what?" Sakura asked, blinking.

Suddenly, Sasuke reached out and pushed Sakura over the side of the dock. Then he re-adjusted his sunglasses and walked off.

_(End Flashback)_

"I'm right here!" said Rain, walking out wearing a Sakura costume and a pink wig.

"Uh, no offense, but you look like a scary doll," said Quigley, once again snacking on a candy-bar.

Rain shrugged. "It's the best I could do on such short notice."

"The scary thing is that you even HAVE a Sakura costume," Quigley said.

"ANYWAY, once my sister stops being a pinhead-" started Funky.

"Hahaha...pinhead...Oh, sorry. Carry on," said Rain.

"Right. Today, since we finally FOUND him, it's Special Guest Kakashi!" Funky waved his arms.

"Huh?" said Kakashi, walking onto the screen from the right.

"Hi, Kakashi!" said Funky. "Can I have your autograph!"

Rain shoved Funky out of the way. "Sorry, my brother, but I think you are going to have to sit this one out." She got out some rope and tied Funky to a tree.

"BUT YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" whined Funky.

"Why do you have a rope?" asked Quigley.

Rain looked at the rope. "What, this? I always carry a rope around with me."

"Yeah, I have to be around Naruto all day, so I know what I'm talking about when I say you people are WEIRD." Kakashi reached into his back pocket. "I think I'll just...MY BOOK!"

Rain just smirked.

"All right, you little punk, what have you done with my book?"

"Ooh, what book?" Rain blinked innocently.

"NO!" cried Funky. "DON'T FALL INTO THAT EVIL-MASTERMINDED TRAP OF HERS!"

"My book," said Kakashi, not quite irritated, but not completely calm, either.

"Oh, well, I sure didn't...SWIPE...it, if that's what you're saying. I'm just a little girl! I can't do that..." Rain blinked her eyes.

Quigley just looked at her. Then he opened a can of pop with his mittened hands.

"Quigley," Rain said, turning, "why in the world do you still have mittens on?"

Quigley shrugged. "...'Cause..."

"Well, anyway, I do have this really interesting book I found...it's called something like...Cha Cha Mice?"

"That's...what?" Kakashi squinted.

"SHE'S DOING THAT STUPID WORD GAME!" yelled Funky from his tree.

"Shut up, Funky!" yelled Rain, throwing a camera at Funky.

"Ouch!" said Funky.

"Anyway," said Rain, dragging out the word, "I don't need it anymore, so I was just going to throw it away." She dangled the book over a pond. Shadow the white fish stuck it's weird mouth out of the water.

"Where did that come from?" said Quigley. "And why is it called Shadow if it's white?"

"Don't ask me, I saw it at the pet store." Rain blinked. "Now, where was I?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Kakashi. "Please, not my Icha Icha Paradise! I'll do ANYTHING!"

"Oh, but Kakashi, you are already doing what you are supposed to be doing!" said Rain. "Getting annoyed and or emotionally scarred!"

Kakashi blinked. "Well, then, I'm not falling for it. Thanks for telling me." He started to walk off.

Rain dropped the book in the water. "Oops, how CLUMSY of me!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Kakashi, jumping in after his precious book.

"Rain-" Quigley started.

"I'm SAKURA," said Rain.

"No idiot's gonna fall for that," said Sasuke, walking onto the screen, holding a cricket bat.

"What's with you and the weird sports?" asked Rain.

"Hey, Sakura!" called Naruto, running up to Rain.

"He fell for it," Rain said to Sasuke.

"No kidding," muttered Sasuke, walking off.

"So, Sakura, I was wondering if I could show you how high I can get with my chakra!" said Naruto, still being dumb.

"Uh, sure," said Rain.

"That's not Sakura!" yelled Kakashi, trying to fight off the killer koi.

"Yeah, right, I'm not stupid," said Naruto, not realizing that in most aspects he WAS stupid.

"Ah, my book!" cried Kakashi happily.

Rain turned to see him cooking Shadow over a fire while drying out his book. "Yeah, that's great, but you're paying me back for that fish."

Suddenly someone walked onto the screen. "Kakashi! Kakashi!"

Kakashi turned around. "What? Can't you see I'm busy?"

Rain walked over to Kakashi, grabbed Icha Icha Paradise, and casually tossed it into the fire. "Now you're not."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Kakashi screamed. Then he jumped into the fire, trying to grab his book.

"AHAHAHAHAHA! Look, Sakura!" Naruto said to Rain. "Kakashi's on fire!"

"HELP!" yelled Kakashi. "I'm on fire! Don't just stand there like idiots! DO SOMETHING!"

"Uh, I was just going to tell you that-" started the person, then looked down at writing on their arm.

"Oh, it's Jiraiya!" said Funky from his tree.

"Jiraiya!" yelled Kakashi. "My book! Will you give me another one? I'm too cheap to spend money." He was still on fire.

"I, uh..." Jiraiya read more writing. "I...cancelled..."

Rain gave Jiraiya a thumbs-up.

"...the series." Jiraiya then walked off the set after being slipped a twenty.

"What?" Kakashi had completely forgotten he was burning. "WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO MY STUDENTS?"

"Why's he on fire?" asked Sasuke, walking up to Rain.

"Nooooooo!" wailed Funky from his tree. "How could you do this? He's the coolest person!"

"Sakura, that was way cool!" said Naruto to Rain.

"That's not...who cares," said Sasuke.

"And that's today's show!" said Rain, waltzing off the screen.

Everyone else left, except for Funky, being tied to the tree, and Kakashi, who was crying on the ground.

"WHAT ABOUT ME?" yelled Funky.

"Wow," said Viewer #1.

"They pulled it off!" exclaimed Viewer #3.

"STOP MIXING UP OUR NUMBERS!" yelled Viewer #2.

* * *

_Jiraiya: Some of you may have heard that I cancelled the series 'Icha Icha Paradise'._

_Kid: Yeah, what's up with that?_

_Jiraiya: Well, I didn't. I'll do anything to make a twenty._

_Kid: Huh?_

_Jiraiya: Yeah, Sakura paid me off._

_Kid: But...that wasn't Sakura._

_Jiraiya: Sure, it was! Anyway, this has been a paid commercial...not paid for by me._

_Kid: Cheapo._

_Jiraiya: And you, kid, shouldn't be rotting your brain reading my books._

_Kid: Fine, I'll keep my money._

_Jiraiya: Wait! I didn't mean that!_

* * *

**Well, that's all four I was originally going to do. I was considering continuing next with some anger management classes, because these people seem like they need them. Or maybe some psychological therapy. Review and tell me what you think! Or, I could broadcast more episodes...feel free to give me ideas, or tell me if it stinks and to quit the story and write a new one. And thanks to all the reviewers so far! (pulls out shuriken) Now to go pay Joe back for 8th grade!**


	5. Hairspray and Wooden Dolls

**Thanks to my reviewer-friend, MiniChobi, I am now updating the latest chapter! This will continue! And it features many, many, many more characters! Okay, maybe not. I don't know how many more. But there ARE more! Like...er...just read!**

**Disclaimer: I remembered! Woo! I don't own Naruto. Come on, did you seriously think I did?**

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Viewers 1-3 were watching TV, when they flipped to channel 18972. They were overcome with joy when they heard a familiar jingle.

_Lalala, it's time_

_You know what's goin' down_

_Let's turn on the TV_

_Turn that smile into a frown_

_Wan wan waaaaaan,_

_Funky!_

"Yes!" cried Viewer #1.

"Wow!" Viewer #2 clapped.

"Duuuuude," Viewer #3 said.

Yes, Ladies and Gentelmen, Pirates and Ninjas, Swabbies and Shinobis. It was Funky's Special Show, the show that, after annoying Kakashi, had not been seen for well over 3 weeks!

Funky ran onto the screen, holding an oversized microphone. He was about to speak into it when he peered off to the left, apparently reading the teleprompter.

"I don't need this microphone?" said Funky. "You say my sister told me to use it because it looks stupid? And now when I read this out loud I sound even stupider? Whatever!" Funky turned and cleared his throat. "Yes, we're back! And our first new person is..."

A drummer boy from the Revolutionary War ran across the screen, drumming.

"Ino!" Funky threw the microphone at the drummer boy, who passed out and who's feet could be seen sticking out onto the side of the screen.

Ino walked out, clearly annoyed. "What is it? You interrupted my Sasuke worshipping."

"It's Special Guest Ino!" yelled Rain from the side.

"I'll show YOU special!" yelled Ino, hands on hips.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight." Rain's voice faded into the implied distance.

"Anyway, before I was stupidly interrupted, it's Ino's turn to be annoyed!"

"What are you talking about?" said Ino.

"Ino and Sakura are MORTAL ENEMIES." Funky wagged a finger. "Which is why you should never have them within 40 feet of one another, mainly because of the restraining order. And that's why we have Sakura here today! Back from her previous injuries! Like a miracle!"

Sakura walked over to Funky. "It's a cheesy anime miracle, all right!" she said cheerfully. "Although I never did figure out who pushed me into the-"

"Ah, yeah," Funky interrupted quickly. "Not important. It sure wasn't my idea, if that's what you're saying. ANYWAY, it's fun to have Sakura beat Ino with some kind of hair product."

"Ooh, can I?" Sakura clasped her hands together. "Please? Please?"

Funky handed her a can of SuperHold hairspray. "Extra-large!" he exclaimed. "Knock yourself out! Or, more importantly, knock INO out!"

"WHAAAAAAT!" Ino stared angrily at Funky. "What kind of joke is this, you freak!"

"Unyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" screamed Sakura, charging at Ino. Then she sprayed the hairspray in Ino's eyes. "Do not spray in eyes! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

"WAUGH!" screeched Ino, hands flying to her eyes. "MY EYES! NOW HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO STARE AT MY PICTURE OF SASUKE!"

"TAKE THAT, INO-PIG!" cried Sakura, still spraying. "SASUKE'S MINE!" When the can was empty, she dropped it and ran off.

"Since Ino can't see very well, now-" started Funky.

"You!" screeched Ino. "You are INSANE!"

"Why thank you," said Funky, bowing. "I'm flattered. But, I have something to tell YOU." Funky winked at the screen. "You know, Sasuke made out with Sakura."

"Yeah, right," scoffed Ino. "He'd never make out with Forehead-Girl."

Funky shrugged. "Well, look at what I taped." He held up a small TV screen.

Ino squinted, trying to make out the image on the screen.

On the screen, someone's hands were bashing together the heads of two misshapen wooden dolls, dressed like Sasuke and Sakura.

"I can't see!" Ino blinked a few times.

"Yes, you can!" Funky laughed. "You just don't want to face facts!"

Ino's already-burning eyes flared. "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT GIRL!" she screamed, running off. There was a muttered curse as she was heard bumping into a tree.

"Okay." Funky waved at the screen. "It's time for me to leave you, fair viewers! But we'll be back next week, with a new Special Guest!"

Rain ran onto the screen, accompanied by Quigley. "Hi-CHAAAAAA!" she yelled, at no one in particular. "It's time for Nate to PERISH!"

"Truly enlightening," said Viewer #1.

"We're really faithful Viewers, you know," Viewer #2 said.

Viewer #3 thought for a moment, then added, "You know, someone should be paying us!"

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**Wow, that came out better than expected. Okay, expect more hilarity next time! Rainbows and fuzzy bunnies! Just kidding. But there will be snacks! And someone trying desperately to get to them! So review! And I'm sorry this one took so long...You'll be proud to hear that I made a full turn-around and am now an avid Naruto addict, instead of an anti-Naruto jet-pilot. Maybe I'll still be a jet-pilot, though...**


	6. Fatso Paradise, or Maybe Not

**Wow, I updated a lot sooner this time! Yay! See, I'm very busy playing Kingdom Hearts and saving Pinocchio from certain doom. Yes, yes. Oh, so...snacks. I promised snacks, right? Roll tape!**

**Disclaimer: I take no part in the owning of Naruto or Tootsie-Pops! Bow down!**

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"Hi!" cried Funky. "We're back! No long-term delays or anything!"

"No!" Rain shouted popping up in the middle of the screen. "But Funky's missing his pants-"

Funky shot Rain an 3vi1 glare.

"-so he had to wear a skirt, because, you know, the show must go on!"

Off to the side, smoke was trailing onto the set. Funky whirled around at Ino's cackling. Ino had been the last 'Special Guest', if you have short-term memory. Funky, in his jean-miniskirt, ran to the side.

"Crud! My pants that make me look like Ben Ten!" he could be heard trying to beat out the flames. Or...maybe something more unpleasant was happening. Something being hinted at by Ino's deep laughter, the sound of liquid being poured, a shout of 'GASOLINE!', and much, much more smoke.

"Okay," said Rain, acting calm. Maybe too calm... "Since Funky's now being burned to a crisp by possibly one of the most spiteful and dangerous Sasuke fangirls yet-"

"I am NOT a fangirl!" screeched Ino. "I'M GONNA KILL SOMEONE!"

"Yes, by...uh, Ino...anyway, Funky will not be able to participate. Fortunately for you, I have the whole show planned out!"

"More devious plans!" said Quigley, holding a flashlight under his face.

"Dom dom dooooooooooom!" came a cry from...somewhere.

Rain pulled a cord, and confetti fell out of the sky. "I n T r o D U c I n g . . ."

A fat kid waddled out from the side.

"CHOJI!" cried Rain, hastily moving out of the way to avoid being squashed.

"I'm not fat." Choji reached into his pocket for a bag of Cheese Chips.

Quigley was ready, though. He pulled out a flamethrower and torched poor, poor Choji's cheesy snack.

"WAAAAAAGHHHH!" screamed Choji.

"Anyway," Rain continued. "Choji is our next Special Guest!"

Choji thought for a minute. Meaning he thought about FOOD for a minute. "Does that mean I get food?"

Rain shook her head. "Nope. But I do. And, hey, so does everyone else!"

"Huh?" Choji clearly didn't understand the intensity of his predicament. Not YET, anyway.

Naruto ran up to him, slurping a bowl of ramen. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" he slurped.

Sasuke sauntered onto the scene, licking a lollipop. "What the heck? How many licks DOES is take to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop!"

"Mmmmm..." Sakura bit into a piece of cardboard cut out like a piece of toast. "Wait, this isn't toast! It's-"

Sasuke walked away, whistling.

"Anyway," Rain said, eating French Fries, "Doesn't this smell GOOOOOOOOD, Choji?"

But Choji couldn't answer, because of the waterfall of drool cascading from his open mouth. This waterfall created a river of Choji-drool, and poor little Naruto was swept away in it's rapid currents, still trying to eat his ramen.

"I wouldn't keep eating that if I were you!" called Rain, before turning back to the screen. "Okay, Naruto can suck up all the spit he wants, but we're not done torturing...I mean, playing with our good friend Choji."

Choji had finally shut his mouth, and turned to Rain. "Why can't I have any food?" he whined.

"Because," said Rain, poking him. "You're..."

"Uh-oh..." said Viewer #1.

"She wouldn't..." said Viewer #2.

"She would!" cried Viewer #3.

"FAT!" shouted Rain, laughing. "Fatty-fatty-fatso!"

"WAAAAAGHHHH!" cried Choji, turning red. "I'M NOT FAT!"

"Yes, you are!" laughed Rain. "You're so fat! Fat! Fat!" She imitated an echo. "Fat..fat...fat...FAt..."

"NO!" cried Choji. "NO!"

"Well, then, if you aren't fat, what are you, you big...fatso?" Rain taunted.

"I'm...pleasingly plump!" said Choji indignantly.

"Yeah." Rain chuckled. "That's a good one. No, what were you really going to say?"

Choji stared at her. "What...what do you mean, 'What was I going to say'?"

Rain put her hands up, and walked around in a circle. "That CAN'T be what you call yourself. A GRANDMA is pleasingly plump. And you sure don't look like someone's Grandma to me."

Poor little Choji...well, poor BIG Choji...couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I can't beLIEVE what I am hearing."

"Oh, so you expect me to believe you're a grandma?" Rain kept waling in circles.

"He's no grandma!" cried Quigley, pointing a mittened finger. "He's a FAKE!"

"I'm not SAYING I'm a grandma!" yelled Choji.

Quigley started running away. "WAUGH!" he cried. "He's gonna squash me with his fatness!"

The screen shifted, and it was possible see that they were situated near a conveniently-placed cliff. Rain walked over to one side, and Quigley ran until he was at the edge.

"Run, Fatso, run!" yelled Quigley.

Choji couldn't take it anymore. He ran at Quigley. "I'll teach you to call me fat, skinny!"

"You're not skinny, Porky," said Rain. Then she lunged. "Super-tripping-technique!" she cried, tripping Choji.

"WAAAAAAH!" Choji tripped for obvious reasons. Then he tumbled down the cliff.

"And this little piggy goes Wee, wee, wee, wee, all the way home," Rain recited. Then she saluted the screen. "'till next time, loyal viewers! Hopefully my brother will be back...if he didn't suffer to many burns..." Rain brandished a fire-extinguisher. "I'd better go put him out. So long!"

Viewer #1 looked at the TV. "We always close the chapter, you know that?"

"I think these chapters just keep getting shorter and shorter," sighed Viewer #2.

Viewer #3 couldn't say anything because he had a toothpick stuck in his throat.

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**Sorry for the short chapters. It's finals week, I don't have much time, I'm running out of ideas, and I really, really want to beat Kingdom Hearts. So cool. Uh, so send in your ideas, and I'll try my hardest to make the chapters good!**


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